MESSAGE IN THE MOVIES

Watchmen Rated R

Directed by Zack Snyder.  Starring Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup


Photo © Warner Brothers Pictures
Movie Review by Rev. Bruce Batchelor Glader

You might as well scroll down to the halo and pitchfork rating right away, before you let your Uncle Bud take the kids to the multiplex.  Watchmen is the totally depraved film version of the “legendary” series of comic books from twenty years ago that featured a gang of superheroes that weren’t really super, good, or even on humanity’s side. 

Heck, they don’t even get along with each other! Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) carries a dark past and an even darker opinion of society, covering his head in a cloth bag.  Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) is a narcissist who thinks he’s God; Dr. Manhattan (Crudup) can act like God but doesn’t quite know what to do with his power.  The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a sadistic misogynist who isn’t even funny; Silk Spectre and her daughter (Carla Gugino, Akerman) are mostly eye candy for the guys; and Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) is a nice guy who doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself these days. 

In the alternate reality of Watchmen, Richard Nixon is serving his fourth Presidential term and the United States has won the Vietnam War (thanks to the Watchmen).  The government has outlawed all “masks” (i.e. superheroes) from operating in open society.  And, frankly, with this motley dysfunctional crew, I approve of the ban! 

When these comics were first published, they represented a quantum leap in storytelling and intellectual complexity in the comic book format.  While violent and subversive, they represented a protest of sorts to the “America Right or Wrong” jingoism of the 80’s.  Definitely written for an insecure male audience, they were also violent and sexist. 

What the Watchmen books are in 2007 is – mostly – dated.  How dated are they?  How about this? A major plot point concerns how to prevent America from moving closer to nuclear war with the Soviet Union.  While an update to the story (and some major revisions) may have created a more palatable film, this one was made for “the fans”, who insisted that not a jot or a tittle of the holy grail of comics be changed. 

Perhaps the most offensive aspect of this nihilistic claptrap is its release schedule.  With over 3,600 prints of Watchmen appearing on our nation’s screens on its opening weekend, it was the only new film in theaters.  (So, if anyone wanted to see a “new” film, they’d go to see this one, guaranteeing it the #1 spot!) I have read favorable reviews that have argued that the offensive nature of this film is actually a knowing “commentary” on acts that should be considered obscene.  Even this kind of ironic detachment is at least ten years old!  Avoid this film, if at all possible.

Pitchfork Rating:
Five pitchforks (Scenes of violence, rape, murder, dismemberment, full frontal cartoon nudity, sex scenes, swearing, and a generally hopeless scenario with unlikable anti-heroes and no compassion for humanity in general.]

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