Find tips and resources for self-care, material to assist you in providing pastoral care, and general information to help you in your practice of ministry. Information will be updated every two weeks concurrent with the East Ohio E-news.
May 2, 2016 Edition
The Right Way to Get Angry
by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener
Adapted from The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment
Anger is a tool that helps us read and respond to upsetting social situations. But how can you stop it from getting out of hand?
Anger is in itself neither good nor bad—it’s what you do with it that matters.
Research overwhelmingly indicates that feeling angry increases optimism, creativity, effective performance—and research suggests that expressing anger can lead to more successful negotiations, in life or on the job.
In fact, repressing anger can actually hurt you. Dr. Ernest Harburg and his team at the University of Michigan School of Public Health spent several decades tracking the same adults in a longitudinal study of anger. They found that men and women who hid the anger they felt in response to an unjust attack subsequently found themselves more likely to get bronchitis and heart attacks, and were more likely to die earlier than peers who let their anger be known when other people were annoying.
When you want to express anger, or any negative emotion, one way to do so is to start with what we call the “discomfort caveat.” Let other people know explicitly that you are experiencing intense emotions and because of this, it is more difficult than usual for you to communicate clearly. Apologize in advance, not for your emotions or your actions but for the potential lack of clarity in how you convey what you’re about to say.
The aim of the discomfort caveat is to disarm the person, to keep them from becoming defensive. When someone hears that you are uncomfortable and that the conversation is difficult for you, it increases the likelihood that they will approach what you have to say with empathy. After using this opening, you can then delve deeper into what bothers you, what you think and feel in the aftermath of whatever happened (why anger emerged instead of other feelings).
When you’re angry, give yourself permission to pause for a moment, even if someone is standing there awaiting a response. You can even let them know that you are intentionally slowing the situation down. Choose to make good decisions rather than fast ones. When you’re angry, pauses, deep breaths, and moments of reflection more effectively exercise power and control than rapid-fire responses. If you feel less angry when you slow down, great, but that’s not the goal. This is about giving yourself a wider range of options to choose from in an emotionally charged situation.
Did a Narcissist Steal Your Self-Esteem?
By Anneli Rufus
He watched his mother talk —about her hair, her friends, her car —for twenty minutes. When she paused for breath, he said: "I got promoted at work. They're sending me to —"
"Hey," she said. "Have you seen that new TV series about Brahms?"
"No," he sighed. "By the way, my friend Jed is going blind."
"That reminds me," she said. "I need new glasses."
He wanted to punch himself, but he did not know why.
Hearing the stories of those who were raised by narcissistic parents, knowing some such parents in the flesh, has sparked some of the fiercest loathing I have ever felt.
I've come to see such parenting as outright theft.
Narcissists steal their children's self-esteem. . .
If so, this robbery began when you were too young to know what theft even was, much less to know that stolen goods can be material but also metaphysical: Faith in oneself, autonomy, resilience can be stolen clean away. . .
So if you want your stolen stuff back, or at least its same-value equivalent, don't ask the thief. Don't beg, plead or prevail upon the thief. Why not? Because thieves are thieves. So are narcissists. And thieves, while your emotions distract you, will just steal more. . .
You want what was and is rightfully yours? You'll never get it from that sick, deluded, cares-only-for-him-or-herself criminal.
Get it from somewhere else.
Not that self-esteem stores exist. (I know; I've looked.) Nor self-esteem-replacement databases. (Those too.) This is a highly subjective search, different for everyone —but, to get started, seek self-esteem in your own accomplishments, healthy relationships, life's random glories, well-placed love both without and within.
And remember: If narcissists raised you, they robbed you. . .
What if other theft victims remained unaware that they'd been robbed? Observing their ransacked, half-empty houses and the vacant pockets that once held their wallets, would they swear that they'd discarded all those things at their own will, themselves?
Meditation Mountain: Healing Meditation Music
David Henderson, twenty three years old, composed his first album Soothing My Soul at the age of sixteen.
After living in Hawaii for a few years he is currently living in Ojai, CA, composing, performing, and teaching. David became a Young Steinway Artist when he was eighteen and is continuing to compose his second album. Stay tuned for Brilliant Awakening.
David has graciously allowed us to share some free streaming meditation music with you. We encourage you to build a supportive healing meditation and relaxation practice, bringing more love and light onto the planet. Our mission is to support meditation in service to humanity.
Thomas a’ Kempis with the Sixth Day Exercise
by J.D. Walt
“The more you live at one with yourself, the more easily you understand profound truth. Why? Simplicity opens your mind to light and wisdom from God. A pure single-minded, stable spirit does not distract easily, even when very busy. You do all to honor God. You rest inside. You do not try to make yourself look big. What actually causes inner conflict? Trying to work for God and yourself at the same time.
Good and devout people orient themselves ahead of time to responsible action. Reason, not mere emotion, orders that orientation. No battle looms bigger than giving up self.
So just here we see our goal: To conquer is the way to stronger personhood and growth in holy living.”Find out more ...
Meet: monthly 1 ½ hours
Where and when:
Alliance: Christ UMC, 470 E. Broadway – May 9, 2:00 PM
Ashland: Christ UMC, 1140 Claremont Ave. – Second Wednesdays, 1:00 PM
Cleveland Heights: Church of the Saviour, 2537 Lee Road – Third Thursdays, 1:30 PM
Medina: Granger UMC, 1235 Granger Rd. – Third Wednesdays, 1:30 PM
Painesville: Painesville UMC, 71 North Park Pl. – North Park Pl. – TBD
Sandusky: Trinity UMC, 214 E. Jefferson St. – Second Thursdays, 2:00 PM
If you are interested in being part of one of these groups, it would be helpful if you let us know for planning purposes. For questions and to receive information about a particular group, please call our office 330-456-0486 or email us at email@example.com
The Program in Pastoral Care and Counseling encourages the spiritual formation of our pastors believing a strong spiritual base is the greatest resource a church leader can possess. It helps us weather the many storms of ministry and deepens the incredible joys ministry provides. Following is a list of Spiritual Directors in our area. We encourage you to take advantage of this rich resource. This listing will appear in each edition of our bi-monthly webpage updates and new names and contact information will be provided as we learn of them and have permission to include them. If you are a director or know of a director that is not included here please let us know.
Debbie Baker - firstname.lastname@example.org
Bruce Batchler-Glader – email@example.com
Harry Finkbone - Finkbone1@gmail.com
Karen Hollingsworth – firstname.lastname@example.org
Liz Nau – email@example.com
Jennifer Olin-Hitt – firstname.lastname@example.org
Sue Palmer - email@example.com
Sharon Seyfarth Garner – firstname.lastname@example.org
Valerie Stultz - email@example.com
Carol Topping - firstname.lastname@example.org
by Mary Kay Bell
We all experience stress at some point. Sometimes, we experience it daily.
Whether it’s work, family or socially-related, we all struggle with it. Stress can be damaging – leading to health problems like high blood pressure, heart attacks, gastrointestinal troubles, etc.
How can we manage it? How can it be reduced or eliminated?
If you have any questions or issues you would like for us to address or would like to get email alerts when new reources have been posted please contact Howard Humphress at email@example.com or use our quick contact form.
The East Ohio Conference Pastoral Care Office:
1445 Harrison Avenue NW · Suite 301
Canton, Ohio 44708
Toll Free: 866-456-3600
Office Hours: Monday through Friday 8:30 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
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